Always and Forever

Once upon a time, there lived two kids on opposite sides of an ocean.  

Era uma vez um rapaz e uma rapariga que viviam em lados opostos do Atlântico.

One kid, a boy, loved buildings and soccer; the other, a girl, loved music and dancing.  They had little in common except that they had always felt a pull to get out of their small towns and see what else was out there.  One day, each of these two kids was given the opportunity to leave the comfort of their hometown, families, and lifelong friends to move to a new country for a few months and see the world. 

O rapaz gostava de arquitectura e futebol, a rapariga gostava de música e dança. Tinham pouco em comum, a não ser o querer mais do que tinham - queriam experiências maiores do que as suas vidas em cidades pequenas. Um dia, a cada um deles foi dada a oportunidade de deixar o conforto da sua casa, família e amigos, para viver num país novo por uns meses e ver o mundo. 

Somehow, some way, each of those two kids, on opposite sides of the ocean with nothing in common chose the same city, made the same friends, and ended up at the same discoteca one cold night in March.  Had they unknowingly spent their entire lives moving towards each other?  Or had they simply tripped over the same loophole in time and space to end up in the same place? That’s unknown, but through a haze of tequila, Spanish dance music, smoke and hundreds of other scantily clad, attractive bodies, the boy locked eyes with the girl and they both smiled.  

De alguma forma, de alguma maneira estas duas crianças, em dois lados opostos do oceano, sem nada em comum, escolheram a mesma cidade, fizeram os mesmos amigos, e numa noite fria de Março foram à mesma discoteca. Teriam eles passado a vida inteira, sem saber, a caminhar um para o outro? Ou teriam simplesmente tropeçado no mesmo buraco no espaço e tempo para acabar no mesmo lugar? Não sabemos, mas por entre uma névoa de tequila, música espanhola, fumo, e centenas de outras pessoas atraentes, o rapaz fixou o olhar na rapariga e os dois sorriram.  

During the next 6 months, the boy and the girl definitely spread their wings and saw the world through the amazing international kids that had also joined them in that city.  They traveled, partied, spent hours on the beach, and soaked up every single moment.  They spent time together, but also spent plenty of time discovering things on their own.  They moved in the same direction, then moved in opposite ones, then back in the same directions again.  They kept finding themselves unexpectedly looking at each other in various moments, always with a smile on their faces.  

Durante os seis meses seguintes, o rapaz e a rapariga abriram as suas asas e viram o mundo através de todos os outros fantásticos jovens que se lhes tinham juntado naquela parte do mundo. Viajaram, festejaram, passaram horas na praia e absorveram cada um dos momentos que viveram. Passavam algum tempo juntos mas também passavam muito tempo separados, fazendo descobertas por si próprios. Andavam na mesma direcção, depois andavam em direcções diferentes, e depois de volta à mesma direcção. Encontravam-se sempre em momentos inesperados, olhando-se sempre com um sorriso na cara. 

At the end of those 6 months, the boy took the girl to the airport to send her back across the ocean.   When the excitement of Erasmus hedonism, filled with new exotic people, endless nights out and skinny dipping in the Mediterranean had fallen away at the moment of good-bye, they were both startled to find that they were still side by side. They suddenly realized their wings had not only spread in the same direction, but had somehow become intertwined.  Without either one realizing it as it had happened, they had become quite impossible to separate.

Ao fim desses seis meses, o rapaz acompanhou a rapariga ate ao aeroporto para a ver partir de volta para o seu lado do oceano. Quando a excitação do hedonismo do Erasmus, cheio de pessoas exóticas e novas, noitadas, e a nadarem nuas no Mediterrâneo acabou, no momento da despedida, eles ficaram surpreendidos por ver que ainda estavam lado a lado. Eles aperceberam-se subitamente que as asas não se tinham apenas aberto na mesma direcção, mas que se tinham, de alguma forma, entrelaçado! Sem que nenhum se tivesse apercebido disso, tinha-se tornado impossível separarem-se.

At the airport, the girl, hearing her name over the loud speaker for a final boarding call, took one last look at the boy, not knowing when she would see him again, painfully extracted herself, and boarded the plane back home.   

No aeroporto, a rapariga, ao ouvir o seu nome no altifalante para a última chamada para embarcar, olhou mais uma vez, a última vez, para o rapaz, sem saber quando o voltaria a ver. Ela, dolorosamente, saiu dos braços do rapaz e embarcou no avião de volta a casa.  

The End.  

Fim. 

Except it wasn’t the end.  This moment that seems like the end of the story wasn’t the end at all.  It was actually the moment where it all began.  

Mas não era o fim. Aquele momento que parecia o fim da história não era, de forma alguma, o fim. Na realidade foi o momento em que tudo começou.  

That moment lead to two seemingly unending years of a long distance relationship.

Aquele momento foi o início de 2 anos de relação à distância.

Then, two blissful years living together in Portugal.

Depois, 2 anos felizes a viver juntos em Portugal.

Then six months of traveling like this:

E depois, seis meses de viagem assim: 

On a scooter in Goa, India

All culminating in this moment exactly two years ago today:

Até culminar neste momento, que faz exactamente dois anos hoje:

The Philippines Wedding – May 19, 2009

O casamento nas Filipinas – 19 Maio, 2009

The wedding was wonderful. Sure there were moments of stressful, overseas planning, cultural misunderstandings, and last minute accommodations. But thanks to a lot of patience and support from my parents, aunts, and some fabulous wedding planners, the actual wedding went off amazingly.

O casamento foi perfeito. Claro que houve momentos dificeis, com muito stress, mal-entendidos culturais e mudanças de última hora. Mas graças à muita paciência e apoio dos meus pais, tios, e fabulosos planeadores de casamento, o dia do casamento foi incrível.

I would only change one thing for certain looking back, and this would be ensuring there were fans running in the sweltering church. As entertaining as it is to see grimaces of torture on the faces of our wedding guests in the video and to make fun of Sergio for the sweat/Tanduay rum running down his face as he said “I do”, I’m not sure if that was quite the sentiment we were going for.

Mudava apenas uma coisa daquele dia – punha ventoinhas na sufocante igreja. Agora, quando vejo o vídeo do casamento, tem a sua piada ver as expressões dos convidados, que pareciam estar no Inferno, e a rir do Sérgio com suor/Tanduay (rum) a escorrer pelo lado da cara enquanto dizia o “Sim”, mas não era bem aquilo que pretendíamos!

To summarize, there was a white dress, there were vows, kisses, and love aplenty. The reception had roasted pigs, toasts, awkward games, and dancing until sunrise. It was all lovely.

Para resumir, havia um vestido branco, havia os votos, beijos, e muito amor. A recepção tinha “lechon” (leitão), brindes, estranhos jogos de salão e as pessoas dançaram até o nascer do sol. Foi adorável.

But what sticks out in my head the most from that time was how touched I was by the village of Mactang, by my family, and neighbors who, even though they have SO MUCH LESS than we do, gave, gave, gave. People left their homes so that our guests could stay in relative comfort. Uncles stayed up during the night to man the generator so we could have electricity all night long. Our pre-wedding celebration the night before made us very happy as the entire village broke out into a fully choreographed ballroom dance routine, and then followed up with native dance performances. My aunts and cousins cooked up a storm to feed our guests with the best cuisine Mactang had to offer on the days before and after the wedding. My uncles and male cousins were more than happy to enfold Sergio, my brother and other guests into the Tanduay rum drinking circle, and gave them the fullest shots. Having a wedding in a place where there are no hotels, restaurants, running water, electricity or roads can certainly be a challenge. But lucky for us, we had a whole lot of hands to help us out.

Mas a coisa mais importante para mim, que me deu mais felicidade do que tudo mais, foi como as pessoas de Mactang - a minha família, e vizinhos - apesar de terem muito menos do que nós, nos deram tanto. As pessoas deixaram as suas casas para os nossos convidados Americanos e Portugueses terem um sítio para dormir. Os meus tios ficavam acordados as noites inteiras de olho no gerador para nós simplesmente termos electricidade durante a noite. Na noite anterior ao casamento, a aldeia inteira preparou um espectáculo de dança só para nós e os nossos convidados. As minhas tias e primas cozinharam imenso, cada dia, para dar a melhor comida que Mactang podia oferecer. Os meus tios e primos acolheram de braços abertos o Sérgio, o meu irmão e outros convidados, iniciando-os, à maneira filipina, ao círculo da bebida, com shots de rum Tanduay. Ter um casamento num sítio onde não há hoteis, restaurantes, água corrente, electricidade ou estradas não e um desafio fácil. Mas, com muita sorte nossa, tivemos muitas mãos para nos ajudar.

Just a taste of the dance performances the night before the wedding

Boys, girls, and a small part of the people that couldn't fit in the church.  

 

 

Our joy was increased hundred-fold by the people around us, sharing in our joy too, making it happen.

A nossa alegria foi aumentada 100 vezes por causa das pessoas à nossa volta nas Filipinas – partilhando a nossa alegria, e a fazer tudo acontecer!

Which then led to this shift in heart and mind.

Que depois levou a esta mudança no coração e mente. 

Which is where we are today.

Que é onde estamos hoje.

It all reminds me of one of my favorite quotes of all time, from the amazing book Shantaram:

“There’s a kind of luck that’s not much more than being in the right place at the right time, a kind of inspiration that’s not much more than doing the right thing in the right way, and both only really happen to you when you empty your heart of ambition, purpose, and plan; when you give yourself, completely, to the golden, fate-filled moment.” Part 1, Chapter 5 (p. 119).

Faz-me lembrar de uma das minhas citações preferidas do livro Shantaram:

“Ha um tipo de sorte que é pouco mais do que estar no lugar certo no momento certo, um tipo de inspiração que não é nada mais do que fazer a coisa certa na maneira certa, e os dois só acontecem realmente quando esvazias o teu coração de ambição, objectivos, e planos; quando te entregas, completamente, ao momento dourado, pleno de destino.” 

Two years after their wedding, the girl and boy looked back on all the good that had happened in their collective life so far, then looked at each other. They smiled, held hands, and prepared to jump into the next thing that came along.  They didn’t know exactly what it would be, but they knew that when the time came to jump, they would do so with their hearts leading the way – hearts open and unconditionally ready for the next adventure...

Dois anos depois do casamento, a rapariga e o rapaz olharam para trás, para tudo de bom que tinha acontecido nas suas vidas e depois olharam um para outro. Sorriram, deram as mãos um ao outro, e preparam-se para saltar para a próxima coisa que iria aparecer. Eles não sabiam exactamente o que iria ser, mas sabiam que, quando o momento de saltar aparecesse, saltariam com os corações a indicar o caminho – corações abertos e incondicionalmente prontos para a próxima aventura... 

Algarve, Portugal

The Spice of Life

A couple of weekends ago, I took my second business trip ever to Baltimore for a work conference.  In the airport, as I was waiting to board the plane for Maryland, I kept smiling winningly at fellow travelers, hoping to be asked the question “business or pleasure?”  I pictured myself looking down demurely, and answering with a nonchalant “oh, business”.  The totally nerdy, small town girl in me still can’t believe she could ever be able to say “yeah, I’m coming in from Chicago, traveling for work”.  I guess it is true that you can take the girl out of the country, but not the country out of the girl.  Or more accurately, can take the braces and glasses off the girl, but can’t take out the inherent nerdiness too. 

Being on a plane again reminded me of how, for as long as I can remember, I have loved hearing the flight attendants' speech at the end of the flight.   The one where they thank us for flying, wish us a pleasant stay in Baltimore, “or wherever your final destination may be”. 

I’m not entirely sure why I love that last part so much.  I always stop gathering my things and focus just so I can hear that line.  I smile a little when I hear it and feel incomplete if I miss it.  These have been the parting words on almost every airline I've flown with, and it is a universal message.  I like the implicit acknowledgement from the flight crew that goes so much farther than wishing us a pleasant stay.  To me, they are saying that just because we’re at a particular place at one time, doesn’t mean this is where we have to stay.  Those airlines have been sending us a hidden message that actually means “hey, wherever you are right now, you're not stuck here.  It’s ok if you’re staying, but it’s also ok to move on, just have a good time while you’re at it. We support whatever you choose.”

On this trip, Baltimore happened to be my final destination.  My second night there, I went out for dinner by myself to a seafood restaurant.  As I was eating the delicious, fresh shrimp, scallops, and what claimed to be the best crab cakes in Maryland, a thought occurred to me – food tastes better when eaten with loved ones.  A delicious meal is one of those things that is better when shared. 

Baltimore's Inner Harbor

The food was great and I could do things like eat the inside from the rolls and leave the crust, hog all the dip, and devour the good parts of the crab.  However, delectable as it was, it lacked…something.  Like the chef forgot to add a key spice to the recipe.  I suspect the food at the table next to me was much more flavorful.  I couldn’t help overhearing that the diners were made up of a son who was about to leave for a long-distance college, taking his mom and girlfriend out for a seafood meal.  Their scallops were tinged with nostalgia and sadness, which might have caused a bitter taste, but the strong feelings of family togetherness and love balanced the meal out, I’m sure. 

My meal lacked…people.  Of course there are some things/times where it’s better to be alone.  I need a certain amount of quiet time in order to stay happy.  But I still think there are so many things in this world that are just that tiny bit better when shared.

Things such as wine. Sure a glass of reserve with a hunk of Manchego cheese or a few squares of chocolate is a great thing.   Curled up on the couch in front of an episode of Gilmore girls, with those things by my side is my favorite way to unwind.  But you know when wine tastes even better?  When it’s the wine in the last two glasses from that second cheap bottle and way past my bedtime.  It’s in the sip I take, of which half drips down my chin, in between laughing hysterically at something only funny to me and the best friend laughing with me. 

Other things like movies, long walks, comedy shows, board games, pitchers of sangria, and long days at the beach are also better, in my opinion, when someone else is there to help me enjoy.  Accomplishments give me a feeling of elation at two points – one when the thing is accomplished, and two, when I tell someone else about it.  There’s a reason why we want to call everyone we know when something good happens.  Winning the lottery, finishing a crossword puzzle, getting engaged, and getting a promotion are more exciting when there is someone on the other end of the line, hearing the news.  Like adding nutmeg to béchamel sauce, the process is not quite complete until the extra ingredient is in. 

Brainstorming is another thing that is best done with more than one brain.  As we’ve started telling people about the non-profit, we’ve seen many different reactions.  Most have been of support.  Our friends and family overwhelmingly want to help.  Those we've talked with really agree with what we are doing, and offer support in any way possible.  It’s nice to have those words of encouragement from friends, especially on those days when it all seems futile. 

On the other hand, one reaction I really appreciated was a bit different.  This one was more of a challenge.  The person essentially said that we were doing well, but the big questions are:  How are the people, are they happy?  Do they really need our help? Sometimes, he said, it seems like we push what we think life should be like onto others. 

This is a perfectly valid question.  It goes along with other views I’ve seen when doing research for this non-profit.  Some say that it’s arrogant to feel sorry for people.  It’s a luxury to even feel sorry for them and pitying in an insult to the way they live and how hard they work. There's this idea of a Western, "white" man hero complex that is viewed as completely disrespectful to the plight of the "brown" people. 

I can’t subscribe to that school of thought.  In fact, I think it's an indirect way of releasing yourself from any feeling of responsibility.  We’re not starting this non-profit out of a place of pity, superiority, or entitlement.   Sure, I believe the people in the Philippines are content with what they have.  They get up and live every day.  It’s human nature to do the best they can with the resources that exist.  But what if, they had a little more?  I can’t believe that we shouldn’t feel compassion for people who don’t have enough to eat, or don’t have running water because it’s some kind of insult to them. 

We do not want support for our organization because it’s noble, for recognition, or because of a feeling of extreme pity for “those poor souls”. We're not out trying to convert anyone to our way of thinking, or to get anything in return.

Support should be as simple and agenda free as offering a stranger an umbrella when it’s pouring down rain because we have two.  Why give?  Simple: because we have an extra umbrella.  That's it.  For us, there's no room in this organization for anything more complicated than that.  

A main focus while we are in these initial stages of planning is just this – how to determine exactly what people need versus what we think they need.  Decidedly, we’re not going to run over there and force questionable help on them.  Each aspect will be carefully considered for validity.  Food,  running water, electricity, waste disposal, medicine, clothing and education,  – those are easy.  It’s harder to determine if they need computers, birth control, faster boats, and businesses.

Due to the lack of running water, the one communal tap in the village doubles as a washing tub where you can clean clothes, utensils, dishes, kids...

Minimal light is obtained from a diesel generator that runs 3 hours per night. A mesh of electrical wires hang precariously across the village, exposed to the elements and within children's reach.

Here you can see some of my cousins who gathered at my grandma's house to do their homework during that 3 hour period in which the generator provides lighting.

Now that’s what makes me feel arrogant – determining that people don’t “need” this or that.

I think that those who are giving help will always run into critics.  People are quick to point the finger at the bad or imperfect with these types of organizations, instead of edifying the good.

It’s a delicate balance, but one that can be achieved with some planning and insight. The planning part is something we can control, the insight is something that we can only hope we've been blessed with. 

We do know we have been blessed with great people in our lives so far.  So to all of our friends, family and loved ones spread all around the world, thanks for making life taste better.   

Our current goal is to be the ones adding that missing ingredient for others - through volunteering with local groups here, during our next backpacking trip abroad with a bigger budget, with our non-profit in the Philippines or... wherever our final destination may be.